So I spent yesterday in the kitchen.
No I’m totally serious! I did.
Why don’t you people believe me!
Ah … so sad.
Anyway, I did. I made Thanksgiving dinner.
I’m not an amateur though. This isn’t my first rodeo.
I’ve never really understood that phrase …
Anyway, I digress.
I made the Turkey (I have some great tips for keeping it juicy if you want them). I made green beans, candied butternut squash (which is in fact just a delicious as it sounds), stuffing, and gravy with the pan drippings (dangerous.)
The only thing I didn’t do was the pie. I don’t bake. At all. Ever. If you’ve ever lived with me, you may remember one or more disastrous times when I’ve decided I wanted to be a baker, actually attempted, and had my experiments literally blow up in my face. (I’m totally serious. I’m actually legitimately surprised I’ve never ended up in the hospital.)
It always turns out ugly.
Which has led me to my next theory about Single Christian Girls.
Betty Baker gets married faster then Molly “my-cookies-look-like-a-bomb-went-off-in-the-oven-and-no-that’s-not-shrapnel-those-are-chocolate-chips”
So let me explain. The better baker you are the more quickly you get married. Because everyone knows the key to a happy and successful marriage is having a husband who is always in a semi unconscious state induced by sugary treats.
What did you say? Having a marriage founded on the basis of love, mutual respect and a strong and growing relationship with Jesus Christ is what really makes a happy marriage?
Complete and utter baloney.
So the baking thesis, it’s actually complicated. It’s not, “oh I can bake, so I can get married.” No ma’am. There is exponential growth thrown in there.
If you’re a high school lady and can make some mean chocolate chip cookies, watch out guys! This lady means business. If you’re a twenty something, closer to thirty then to nineteen a good cookie means squat. You’ve got to be able to pull out some fancy Baked Alaska, which no one has ever tasted because it’s so complicated! I don’t even know what it is? Do you?!? If you do you’re probably married and can make it perfectly. Because like my friend Mary Beth said, when you’re married, you’re just wiser.
I mean I agree. I can’t even wrap my mind around Baked Alaska.
Some of you should start baking.
I myself, for the safety of my friends, family and future roommate, am throwing in the towel.
Remember: If you burn both your hands, you can always dial 911 with your nose.