Last night I was over at a friends house watching what should have been Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Year’s Eve, but instead Ryan Secrest and Carson Daily were all over it. It made me wish the Mayan’s were right.
Anyway, a band was playing that I didn’t recognize. The song was jazzy (I was tapping my foot) and the lead singer looked like the lost Hemsworth brother. I don’t think he was, but he looked just like Liam Hemsworth in Expendables 2. (Yes I watched that movie. And it actually makes me more awesome so leave me alone.)
Anyway, not to anyone’s surprise, I verbally vomited. This is what I said:
“Oh bummer, he’s married.”
Yeah. I saw the ring on that well positioned left hand that was holding down those guitar strings and that was the first thing that came out of my mouth.
Which brings me to a SCG epidemic: Worship Leader Ring Sniping.
I know you do it.
You walk into church, notice the christian hipster worship leader with his tight pants, trendy glasses, and perfectly parted hair. Then it starts.
Lazer vision turns on.
Radar sensors go.
And depending on how good you are, you’ve figured out the relationship status of the whole band in less then 6 seconds.
It’s fine. I get it. They love Jesus, and they play an instrument. It’s like the SCG kryptonite.
Mine’s a Banjo just FYI. I’m a sucker for a banjo. Or a mandolin. At this point I can’t even listen to Mumford and Sons because they have both. And they are also pseudo – christian … with tattoos.
That should be illegal.
So remember ladies, the next time you’re in a worship service and most of the band is single so you want to raise your hand a little higher to look just a little more holy (and thus more sexy … right? Modest is hottest!) remember this:
Every other single girl is thinking (and doing)