I Should Maybe Kiss Dating Hello

To start, Claire’s list of three books with terrible ideologies:

  1. Mein Kampf by Adolf Hitler
  2. The Communist Manifesto by Karl Marx
  3. I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris

What my mother said when I told her? “I don’t know Claire, that seems a little drastic.”

Well I am nothing if not drastic.

Which is a synonym for dramatic.

I also overuse superlatives, if you haven’t noticed already.

I also reminded my mother of her response when I told her as a naive freshman in college that I was reading Mr. Harris’ book. She said, and I quote:

“I don’t know Claire, I think you might need to kiss dating hello.”

Image
Is that a Presbyterian worship service? No, it’s Riverdance!

Sometimes I wish you could take a personality test when you’re younger that will tell you what the best denomination is for you.  Then my semi neurotic self would have been placed in a Presbyterian church earlier in life.  Instead I had to grow up wondering why I didn’t like meeting strangers and then subsequently hugging them as much as my Evangelical friends did.  I also don’t like waving my hands in church.  I feel comfortable with the “Frozen Chosen,” I like that my worship services look like Riverdance without the dancing.  I mean, OCCASIONALLY, someone will lift a hand, maybe shoulder height, but that’s only if you’re sitting in the back row and its been a really rough week being fiscally conservative. 

Anyway, so finding myself in a denomination that feels semi uncomfortable with hugs and emotions suits me nicely. 

I think “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” was created for my emotional evangelical friends.  I went on this summer long mission trip onetime, and by the end everyone was dating.  Everyone but me of course, but I couldn’t stop thinking about how crazy and emotional everyone was being and then they would cry, and then suddenly they would be crying with a member of the opposite sex.  And then they would do this thing called a DTR, which I should probably blog about and then they would cry some more with each other and then maybe cry with some friends and then BAM! You have a new boyfriend / girlfriend.  It was very confusing.  My question always was, “how did you hear each other over all of that sniffling?”  

I guess though, if you’re still attracted to someone when their eyes are puffy and they have a steady stream of snot coming out of their nose then I guess it’s true love?

Maybe?

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A picture of me from that summer. Not knowing what to do with all of the crying. Just as a note, I did break into uncontrollable whaling shortly after this picture was taken. Hey, it hits everyone. Even those of us with cold hearts. #emotioncity08

 

For me, “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” still has a devastating effect on my life. Here is just a smattering of things that I have to think about or feelings that I experience.  If you can relate, that’s amazing, because so far I think I’m alone.

–       If it’s a choice between 1,000 paper cuts and being dipped in a pool of vinegar verses going on a first date, you better find some sort of vat to dip me in.  (It can be a kiddy pool.  I’m tall, but I’m not very large so I can get into some small spaces)

–       Regularly on dates I get nauseous.  And by nauseous I don’t mean those “butterflies” that people are always talking about, I mean literally needing a contingency plan about where I’m going to go if I need to blow some chunks.

–       My hands get cold.  Really cold.  All of the circulation goes out of them.  This happens to my feet too.  Recently I’ve learned that this is also what happens to your body when you are being attacked and is considered a part of the “Fight or Flight” response.  So I associate dating to being attacked.  “You are attacking me by being nice and paying for my dinner!!!! You MONSTER!!!”

–       I still think that as Weed is a gateway drug to LSD, so handholding is a one-way ticket to a baby that you don’t want to have.

–       I don’t even want to talk about the panic attack that I had on a date once.  But I just wrote a sentence about it, and … put it on the Internet.  Super.

In closing, I would like to give a shout out to Joshua Harris for making this blog possible.  Without you, I’d probably be writing a blog full of tips for keeping your husband unconscious and thus out of the way by baking treats all the time.  Otherwise known as a food blog. 

Paula Dean, I liked you better when you liked butter. 

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4 thoughts on “I Should Maybe Kiss Dating Hello

  1. Why are you sitting on a minivan back-seat posing as a bench?! Please also tell me that your toe nails are painted and that this is not a regular feature of yours I have failed to notice before. PS The last five of Claire’s statements do not fall in to the hyperbolic realm she has an propensity to drift towards. Save, perhaps, the fourth. The panic attack was, and is to this day, very, very real. In my heart of hearts (which only Jesus and me know, duh) I still don’t think she is over it.

  2. This is my first visit to your blog.
    I read through about 15 posts so far…maybe more, all I can say is.
    Thank you.
    Your humor, vulnerability and courage has blessed me. Seriously. I have not laughed that hard and been able to relate to so much in awhile! Can’t wait to read more.
    Also, I Kissed Dating goodbye and it was the WORST decision ever. Actually my youth friends called me “The no dating Nazis.” There is some evidence for the list you have it in!
    🙂

  3. My mom bought me “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” when I was in High School, and I still haven’t read it (I’m nearly 31). I could count on one hand the number of guys who asked me out on a date between when I was 15 and when I was 25, so obviously I didn’t really have anything to “kiss goodbye” either. I think the book was a preemptive strike on my mom’s part, but I still feel like I must have let her down after she went to the trouble of buying the book and everything, and then it wasn’t ever an issue. 😉 Anyway, thanks so much for your sense of humor – it is very refreshing! And I’m totally with you about denominations – I’m a Presbyterian, too, and your descriptions cracked me up!

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