A Long Expected Party

I said that I would blog immediately after my party a few weekends ago.

Clearly that didn’t happen.

Never listen to my promises. 

Ugh. I sit on a throne of lies and deceit!

To be perfectly honest, I thought this party was going to be terrible.   I thought the pure awkwardness of the situation would create amazing comedic fodder for use in what would turn out to be the easiest blog post I’d ever written. 

False.

It was actually really fun. 

Image
Some good lookin’ chicas! – Mid party 🙂

In fact it seemed like it was on all accounts a success. I felt that I had game!  I NEVER have game! It was amazing!

But then we come to today. 

I’m still writing this blog.  Clearly the party was not a success. 

Which leads us to my new least favorite phrase.  I give you:

“Let it happen organically.”

It’s stupid.

It’s dumb.

AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS!

I’m completely inconsolable, irate, and infuriated, all because I don’t know what you people mean by this phrase!

What do I need to do?  Literally, what else do I need to do? I flirted, I dropped my number like it was dolla’ bills and I was Coolio, I dropped hints … I mean I was so obvious it was painful.

So what do I have to do to be “organic?” Do I have to start hitting guys with tree branches?  Do I need to be throwing locally grown zucchini at their faces? What? WHAT?

I don’t know what it means to let things happen “organically,” THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE!

You know what else doesn’t make sense?  This party!  This party was NOT organic.  So you can’t make me go to an un-organic party and then tell me that I need to “let thing happen organically.”

This party was like non-fat cool whip.  There is nothing in that crap that is natural. Honestly people, it’s one carbon atom away from being plastic.  Then, you’re telling me that I’m switching from a diet of non-fat cool whip to steamed kale?

Because we have to let things happen “organically?!”

Friends.

Comrades.

I’m calling B.S.

Barbra Streisand.

This is ridiculous.

That’s all I have to say.  

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