The Perils of Being “Marriage Material”

Lately I’ve been told I’m “Marriage Material.”

Has this happened to anyone else?

I would assume yes, since you ladies are awesome.

Do you think this is a compliment?

Yeah, you know I did too.  Recently, I’ve started thinking that it’s not.  Its kind of one of those backhanded compliments.  You know what I’m talking about?  Something that someone says to you and then maybe 5 minutes or a few weeks later you’re like “Hey, wait a minute! That was mean!”

I should be clear, if an older gentleman says this to you (i.e. someone like your Dad’s age), take it as a compliment because it’s meant to be.

If a guy that’s in your “We-could-potentially-date” sphere says this to you, he’s basically saying that he wants to go have fun with some floozies and then maybe marry someone like you when it’s convenient for him to pass along his DNA.

Why don’t you just karate chop me in the guttural.

It’ll hurt less.

But here is the even bigger problem:

I don’t want to NOT be marriage material.

Yeah. Right?!

What a massive paradox.

Honestly this is more confusing than the supposition that if one of two simultaneous assumptions leads to a contradiction, the other assumption is also disproved.

I know … my brain is leaking out of my ears.

Also, there are rules to being marriage material!  Help me out if I miss a few:

  1. You give an automatic “No” if someone asks you out over social media.  What if our hypothetical first-born child is bleeding profusely from his neck and I need to you to dial 911 because I have my hand clamped around his carotid artery?! … are you going to be able to do it?  Or are you just going to “like” the local police on Facebook and expect them to show up?
  2. First date, I’m not paying.  If you think I’m paying it’s not a date. Try again.  Go back to start.  Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.
  3. A relationship is Never, EVER going to form out of a drunk bar scene.  No really … it’s not.  Please stop arguing.  It’s not.
  4. Don’t wait around for me to ask you out on a date first.  It’s not going to happen.  That’s a Man’s job.  I’m not a guy.  I promise.
  5. If I’ve given you my phone number, that is the ultimate green light.  There is literally nothing else within my lady-like rules that I am permitted to do.  It’s like I’ve put a little helpless baby seal in the the water and you either have to save it or watch it be massacred by a Great White Shark.


Finally, one of my favorite movies is “He’s Just Not That Into You.”  I think I had a copy once, but I think someone took it when I lived in Africa.  So side note, all plagiarized copies of that movie in Zambia are probably because I couldn’t keep tabs on my DVD collection.  Anyway … the best part of that movie is the little clips that they’ve interspersed throughout.  The following is one of my favorites and why rule #5 is what it is.

I just don’t want to seem crazier than I think I already am.


6 thoughts on “The Perils of Being “Marriage Material”

  1. Ha, pretty good read. For any women curious about how men look at it though, nothing in this list will push you closer or further to being considered “marriage material”. I guarantee, that months into a relationship, no guy thinks, “I’d totally ask her to marry me if she hadn’t of said yes to me when I asked her out over Facebook.” Or “I really wish she hadn’t paid for the 2nd round at the bar that night we met.”

      1. Basically yeah, like the comment below, being called “marriage material” by a guy is comparable to a guy being put in the “friend zone” buy a girl. The reason is mostly same, not enough physical attraction.

        As far as convincing you the list is irrelevant, I’m happy to take a shot at it: Here is a better list to keep in mind:

        1) Be happy. Love life, be amazed at the wonders of being alive, live a life of loving everyone, be a positive person.

        2) Be fun. Have a hobby (not something like Pinterest, something you can get better at, something you LOVE doing), take risks, try new things, laugh at yourself.

        3) Be sexy. Rock each other’s world. Repeat. Frequently.

        Bamn. That’s a list to live by, for a guy or a girl. The rest will work itself out. Don’t be all constrained by rules that don’t matter. Relationships thrive when there is spontaneity, right from the start if possible. Finally, in the best case scenario, 3 months down the road your guy will remember when and where your first date was. That’s best case scenario! He for sure does not remember how he asked you out or how the bill was paid 🙂

  2. In reverse, this post reminds me of guys that have told me the thing they hate to hear most is “You are such a nice guy and will make someone really happy one day….but…” They have all said they would rather be called a thug than a nice guy by someone giving them a rejection notice.

  3. I’m with you, Claire. It’s not about going through a check list trying to become “marriage material” in order to convince a man to marry you, it’s about respecting yourself enough to wait for the right man who will want to marry you for who you already are. Her list is about not ceding too soon, and I totally agree with that approach. I want to be pursued by a man who has enough courage to actually ask me out (and not over social media!), a man who is generous enough to treat me to a meal and/or activity on a date, a man who has enough self-respect to not make a fool out of himself when he’s drunk and treat me like a conquest, and a man with enough consideration for my heart to not flirt with me and act interested in me only to never call me if I trusted him enough to give him my number. Lack of physical attraction is one thing, but cowardice or laziness is another… and I think that your list deals mostly with the latter. 😉

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