Men, Unicorns and Unrealistic Expectations.

I’m about to crush lots of hopes and dreams.

And I’m just so excited about it.

Remember when you were in college and you made a list about the qualities that you wanted in your future husband?

Stop lying.

You did this.

You know how I know?

Because I did it, my roommate did it and anyone else who was in Neverdaters – Navigators (my roommate) or Campus Crusade for Couples (myself) did it.

Side note – If anyone could tell me what they call people from Intervarsity or Fellowship of Christian Athletes I would love that.

Come friends, hold my hand as we walk down the deep dark path of our future husband lists together.

I found my list and I made my roommate find hers.  Mine was created first semester of my junior year (correlated with my recent return from a Cru summer project sans boyfriend).  My roommate’s was created second semester freshman year.  She was in a sorority with a lot of Nav ladies.  As a preschool is a breeding ground for disease, so too is a sorority house full of Christian women making lists about their future husbands.

The older I’ve gotten the more ridiculous I find my list.


I know, it’s hard.

I’m actually grimacing as I write.  I REMEMBER how excited I was about my perfect list.  At least I didn’t title mine “Prince Charming” (Cough … roomy … cough).

But I did have some qualifications that, looking back I think, “What the heck was I doing?  It’s like I’m waiting for the second coming of Christ because only Jesus meets a lot of these . . . ”

No I didn’t put “must have died and then rose again on the third day,” but I did put “Is intelligent yet socially comfortable.” I just . . . that seems like a lot to ask . . .


Okay, before I go on, I will give you that having some “standards” are good.  Like I don’t think I could ever date someone that didn’t laugh at my jokes, talk in a Jersey accent with me when we’re watching Say Yes To The Dress, or dance like a fool in the kitchen (because that is where most foolish dancing happens).

But there are some “standards” that we might need to let go of.

If you have one of these on your list, it may be time to drop it.

  1. Specific height requirements.  I get this.  I’m 5’10’” . . .  If I was super specific I would set a 6’3” minimum.  What can I say?  I like wearing heels.  I’ve released that though.  My future spouse is just going to have to not care that I tower over him occasionally. You think I’m going to stop wearing heels for you?  Did FDR stop being president just because he had polio?
  2. Ability to cook.  At this point we’re going against the masculine genetic code.  Sure there are some famous guy chefs, but that’s literally like .00000067% of the population.  That’s why rom-coms where the guy can cook are so popular.  It’s a rarity, hardly ever found in the wild.
  3. Having very specific athletic talents.  On my list was a fantastic skier.  I’ve recently added Franchised NFL Quarterback.  Neither of these looks likely.
  4. A great dresser.  I’ve just realized this: guys who are great dressers have women who dress them.  Not everyone is going to look like my favorite J.Crew model upon first meeting.  They will after like three months of our courtship . . . you wanna date me?  Get ready to wear some coral pants.
  5. The voice of an angel. A la season 1 of Glee and Rachel and Jesse’s relationship, I’d like my future spouse and I to just “sing it out” if we’re ever in a fight.  I’d take a voice like Ed Sheeran, John Mayer, Ray LaMontagne or James Morrison, because in the words of Paula Dean, “it’s like butter, and mayonnaise.”
  6. Scottish.  Braveheart is my favorite movie.  I would like the groomsmen in my wedding to wear kilts.  I would also like to be marched down the aisle to the sound of a bagpipe.  Did I mention that I also believe in Unicorns and think area 51 is real?

My friends, I leave you with a little piece of fantastic Christian subculture.


9 thoughts on “Men, Unicorns and Unrealistic Expectations.

  1. Okay, first off, this list basically vindicates everything I thought in college as I too was in Campus Crusade for Couples at Minnesota, which was that fellow Cru women made a list, that I would never ever meet. I can cook occasionally, I do sing though only in the privacy of my home for reasons, and I don’t try to be a fancy dresser because I don’t have time for that (t-shirt and pants or shorts if its 40+ degrees). I say this not to flaunt but to show that no man (well maybe just me) would ever meet women’s list of dream qualities. Though at the same time, Christian men made similar list for women, and some found what they were looking for, or were smart and compromised, but its all a fantasy on both genders.

    Christian groups and some leaders, lead us to believe and wait for someone that most likely wasn’t going to ever show up, cuz as you put no one is Jesus in carnate these days, and thats really seems what were lead to wait for. As a man, I love this blog, its good to know there is as much snark and cynicism on the other end of the Chrstian dating pool.

  2. I already had a list of qualifications ("Must hate litter" was seriously on there) for the ladies going into college…and I even made a list at the end of freshman year of the four top contenders (in my eyes; they were generally oblivious of my interest). For each, I made a list of pros/cons. For one of the ladies, for example, I wrote:

    "Pros: Loves God. Is a good friend.

    Cons: Too much like my mom."

    I ended up marrying one of those young women, and ten years and nine cars and four kids and two continents later, I'd say I made the right call. And she _hates_ litter…

  3. I had a list in high school-ish, but by the time I got to college I sortof dropped it. After never ever having a boyfriend, my qualifications basically came down to A) must be christian, B) I must find him at least mildly attractive (because lets be real, you just wont like someone you aren’t attracted to, and C) must breathe. 27 and still no boyfriends later, I’m actually starting to freak out. I don’t think my qualifications can get any more loose….

    1. Haha … you could drop christian … just kidding. DON’T DO THAT! AH!!!! You’re not weird. I’ve never had a boyfriend either, and my list pretty much looks exactly like yours. Minus the breathe part. I’d be ok with a fake person. Kidding. More real then I ever get – but sometimes I think that there might be something wrong with me… ever feel like that too? I think thats just a lie of Satan, but it still sticks a bit. We’ve got this girl.

  4. Oh my, yes, yes, and more yes.

    I loved the video at the end. SO TRUE. Christians are terrible about dating. We have lots of grand intentions and visions for what a relationship SHOULD be, but when it comes to actually intentionally BUILDING a relationship, it’s almost like watching an episode of the three stooges… only with more tears and a few laughs.

    LOVED the video at the end. I was involved with a Navigators military ministry. And the video was eerily accurate ^_^

  5. That video…. oh, that video… I was never in Navs or any of those organizations… but I WAS homeschooled during the Purity Movement. Yep. I’m pretty much doomed to be a Protestant nun. 😛
    I was, however, blessed to have a mom who at least told me that making lists was stupid, even if we bought into pretty much every other catchphrase and trend involved with the movement. Honestly, I miss the days of arranged marriages. So much easier than all this uncertainty.

    I was recently “exploring a relationship” with a guy, and we broke away before it got anywhere. We’re good friends, and who knows? God may still bring us together. But I went through that “…awkward…” scene. Oh well. You live and learn. I’ll do better next time.

  6. That video was absolutely amazing and hilarious and perfectly executed!!!! Totally something I would do! hahahah seriously keep it up!

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