What was my favorite movie of 2013?
I laughed, I was intrigued and I sobbed hysterically for the last 30 minutes of the film.
It was fantastic and I ruined the sleeve of one of my shirts.
The main character, Tim, is a little awkward.
I probably way overly resonated with him.
But that’s ok – I get overly invested in movies, to the point that people don’t like to go with me.
Side note – I’m still bitter about having to see the newest Star Trek alone.
You know who you are.
Anyway, at Tim’s family’s New Years Eve party he has a fantastic New Years kiss opportunity that he doesn’t take!
Not only does Tim not grasp that opportunity by the throat, but he also adds salt to that awkward wound by offering up a handshake instead! It was so bad I have flashbacks about it. Like that one time I fell down two flights of stairs in front of this guy that I really liked in high school.
I just got nauseous.
Anyway, I hate New Years. What a stressful holiday! But I already said that Christmas is the 2nd worst holiday for singles, and Valentines Day is obviously the worst, so New Years is undoubtedly 3rd.
But honestly, those holidays are like the Chinese in Olympic Table Tennis. They’re all going to be on the podium, you just are not quite sure which one’s going to get the gold.
Fortunately for me, I have dodged the New Years Eve bullet.
I’m going on a family vacation!
I don’t feel even remotely bad about it.
I’m leaving you in the dust to deal with this holiday by yourself?!
You bet your new Christmas jammies I am.
I’ll give you 5 tips to survive New Years Eve as a Single Christian (because I think guys need this too):
- Don’t go out. Yeah that’s lame and yeah you’re a coward for not facing your fears but you’ll avoid all awkward situations. What? I’m avoiding by going on vacation with my family? Touché.
- At 11:59 PM pretend you’re suddenly sick. Find some left over eggnog, applesauce or better yet, some whipped cream and fake a rabies outbreak. First positive of this strategy: you’re going to have an external source to blame. Second positive: People are going to be super distracted by your terrible illness. One con: The potential of someone going all “Old Yeller” on you and not making it out of the party alive.
- Find the power switch and pull it right before the Ball is about to drop. 4! 3! 2! What?!? Chaos and confusion and a moment that will have passed without the ability to be re-created. Boom.
- Get yourself arrested. Nothing too serious. Just a petty crime where you have to go in a holding cell overnight. I’m thinking writing “Jesus Loves You” on a freeway overpass. Spread the gospel and land up in jail. It’s a win-win! Pretty sure holidays don’t happen when you’re in prison.
- On New Years Eve hang out with some people that think “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Joshua Harris and “The Bible” are the same book. No physical touch for you. Sure, you’ll have to deal with plenty of awkward glances and the ratio of girls to guys is going to be somewhere in the range of 10 to 1, but you’ll have been informed before the party that those usual “midnight shenanigans” are for heathens. Perfect.
Best of luck friends.